hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ttyl tear gas
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
