I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
