Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My liver just had a heart attack.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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