I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
