I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
