i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
