the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
