alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
