How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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