you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
