So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
