I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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