I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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