And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
