I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
