He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
