you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize