Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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