Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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