Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
