Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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