I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
