I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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