I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
