Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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