I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
