Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize