just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
