Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
