can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it because I queefed?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
