I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
