I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
