ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
