Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
