Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
