im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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