The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
