I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's like heaven, but drunker
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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