I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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