we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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