So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize