No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
