theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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