I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
