Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
