He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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