Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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