I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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