Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
