pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
