everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize