no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize