Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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