walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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