I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
