he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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