is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
