I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had to cum in my sink.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
