we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
