My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
