So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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