i just wanna soil my oats bro
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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