Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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