bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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